Down the rabbit hole, trapped in the dark, I grappled my way through the complex digitalpedia

Ten giant burgers were placed in a tray for 20 enthusiastic foodies. These were 10 varieties of the newly launched Maharaja-sized burgers. Divided into four portions, each part was fist-sized. For me, even one portion was XL. But the mayhem said otherwise, “Pass them here, pictures first, no labels, how do I know the mutton one, I didn’t get the chicken one, hold on, don’t take a bite.” Hullabaloo!

Left, right, left, right, more trays, more pictures, more hoo-ha. “Move your hand, turn it this side, remove the knife, I need a coke, what’s burgers without french fries, one more tray.”

 I looked at my plus one.  No, not my dress, but the companion I had brought along for this blog party.  “We should just catch the next tray, break that fist into two portions, try the crumbs from the other varieties.” This was Circa 2013.

You see, I am an old hat scribe. For over a decade, I had lived in order and the only thing that I looked at was the ladder—how many rungs to climb to shine. My work was creation of a form, a regulated rectangular piece, neatly designed, objectively written, well analysed and checked at multiple points for grammar, design, photo resolution, printing quality. All beautifully compartmentalised and departmentalised. Everyone and everything were just an intercom away. I reached a niche audience that enjoyed words, pixels and paper.

But then I slipped, fell into a rabbit hole and sat in the dark until a mole reached out. The mole said, ‘blogosphere is the new sphere, break the rules, find your identity’. So, I created an identity on a blogging platform. Overconfidence, overenthusiasm, and a black hole with a firefly here and there were my companions.

Sitting alone in my muddy spot, I tried to work my way through the complex digitalpedia, looking for advice from experienced neighbours aka the firefly—prickmedainty passerbys.

Digitalpedia is a flurry of algorithms, likes, views, followers, selfies, romantic cuddles, cranky dances and ranky songs. My boxy form was gone; the digital atoms bounced over my head.

 A picture speaks more than a thousand words, but memes speak more than a million words; 3-second hooks are a killer. The blogosphere is a million galaxies rolled into one and you need a lot more neurons to navigate this.

Its off-shoots branch out to influencing, dancing, pouting, punching and glamourising. None of which my serious scribe days had readied me for.

A 100-word caption was long in digitalpedia; 100 characters were grand. Words were acronyms, sunsets were hearty oohs, landscapes were cuddles—reality had no oomph.

Despite being a cosmopolitan scribe, I had no party vision. There was never a lipstick in my bag or the silver slipper—always a diary and a pen. None were needed in this blogosphere. My non-existent photo skills, poor phone and old laptop were crumbling under the pressure.

But my thinking hat was customary—force of habit. So, the lavish buffets meant lavish waist line and burpee rides. Finito!

Turn to nature, travel …dream come true, also my expertise. But who travels in the dark? Blogosphere atoms spoke: make a connection with publicity departments till you find your target. Branding failure, target missed. You see there were no floral dresses, no body shapers, no handholding, no makeup kits, no selfies in my media kit.

Fast forward to Circa 2019. COVID-19 arrived. No monetisation, no more connections and a suitcase full of failed attempts. I drowned in blogxiety, yes blog + anxiety, this term does exist in blogosphere. Follow the stars—get a manager, more digital atoms bounced forth through free masterclasses and DIY tutorials.

Only my dusty scribe’s hat was left. Retreat, retreat, the magical old hat sounded the alarm. Finally, after eight years of losses, I turned to my first love—books. My dusty, spidery shelf got a makeover. I got the hang of 10 Tips, Best Tricks formula. Eureka! Circa 2021—aliens sent a rescue vessel to take me to their galaxy. Pixels, podcasts, words, memes, hooks and AI—the blogger fool had ‘a cupful of tips and tricks to make life work in blogosphere’. The scribe and the blogger had blended and found their soulful creative path—the old hat had worked its magic in the new galaxy.

There have been many encounters on this 12-year-long blogging journey but then for that I need to write a book.

Ambica Gulati pens true stories that touch hearts and opens minds. This is her first attempt at humour, do take it in your stride.

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